Never Goodbye- But always 'See You Later'

Before I start I’d like to dedicate this post to all the amazing Foster Carers out there who day in and day out do an amazing job. I’d also like to dedicate this post to all foster kids who may feel down at times and don’t realise the positive impact they have on homes. Thank you for just being you. Here’s my story. (Please note that for blogging purposes I will be using the name Danny).

For month’s I’ve wanted to write this blog however I couldn’t get past one line without feeling emotional and shedding tears. As the days have gone by I’ve had the chance to understand that not every goodbye has to be a sad one.

Roughly two and a half years ago I came home from work and found a chubby little toddler with curls that came down to his eye lids greet me at the door. For years my family have been fostering children however this was our first child under 5 years old. I wasn’t too sure how I felt but the smile on this kid bought so much light into our home. He hugged me around my ankles and ran off. Funnily enough I had not the slightest idea of how much this little boy would change my life.

Living in a house full of girls in their teenage years you don’t really recognise the amount of time that you do or don’t spend together. I was constantly out at work or training and my sisters were at school and sports. The only time we would actually all sit together was if we wanted to watch Home and Away on TV. Even then the usual chit chat was bare minimum. All I can say is what a difference a little child brings. Our new foster kid, Danny, was the cutest and always drew us to him. From celebrating his birthdays, his first bike ride and a couple of his first sentences. Without realising we had whole heartedly invested so much in this little boy and loved him like he was our own blood brother. From Park visits to watching Disney movies that we hadn’t watched in ages and listening to children soundtracks in the car.

As time went by and as our bond grew stronger we almost forgot that one day we may have to say bye to this little boy we held so close to our heart. Our parents always reminded us that he would soon get the opportunity to live with his mum. This made us happy that he would grow up with his mother but also sad that we would have no more Danny in the house. Although we knew this to be true we always pushed the thought to the back of our mind and enjoyed the time we did have with our little foster brother.

Then came the day that hurt my heart and also made reality come into play. I remember sitting at my work desk and receiving a text message from my mum. I looked over at my phone and it read ‘Danny is going home in 2 months’. My stomach dropped and without noticing I had tears running down my face. The next few weeks were hard and definitely made us want to hold him closer and tighter. The whole atmosphere at home slowly started to change and we all tried to keep happy for Danny as we didn’t want him to notice the shift in our emotional state.

Soon before we knew it- we were already at his last week. I remember walking past my mum folding his clothes. It was heart wrenching seeing her bagging all his clothes she had bought for him throughout the years he had stayed with us. I often caught her crying in his room but couldn’t bear seeing her like that so I continued walking by. His last night we spent at the Christmas lights and I couldn’t help but smother him in kisses and squeeze him so tight to my chest. The next morning we all woke up dreading what was to come and off went my mum showering him for the last time and changing him into his clothes.

We all sat in the living room full of emotion staring at this little boy who when he first came in as a chubby little baby could barely balance himself while walking. We said a family prayer and sang his favourite song. Then one by one we said goodbye to our little brother. I can say that in all my life and through all the trials I have been through this by far was the hardest and saddest thing I ever had to do. To part with such a beautiful soul who changed not only our lives but the atmosphere of our home was gut wrenching. As he got in the car we had a clear view of him in his car seat- with tears in our eyes we waved goodbye to little Danny knowing he was no longer going to live with us. Looking up at us his little confused face he now had a sad lower lip. Off went the car and in went my sisters and I, silent and so upset. No more loud shouts and running up and down the hall way, no more hearing the paw patrol theme song, no more warm ‘huggies’ that could instantly make your troubles go away, no more buying kids clothes and most sadly no more Danny in our home.

As sad as parting with our little brother was we were reminded that our purpose as foster carers is to help re-unite the child with their parents and we had done just that. After weeks of moping around we started to focus on the good times and how lucky we were to have had time with him in our home. Months have passed now after him leaving and we’ve been so fortunate to visit him and spend time with him and his mother. Every parent deserves a life with their child and I’m so happy that Danny gets his happily ever after.

So then begs the question would you ever do it again after all the hurt of saying goodbye?

Honestly, yes 100 times over. Saying goodbye was hard but in comparison to the beautiful priceless moments we shared and the impact he had on my life how can I not? Most people think fostering then automatically say how lucky the child in care is to have good carers. Yes that’s great but what isn’t mentioned enough is the joy each child brings into the carers home. So many times it’s the child who teaches the carers. It’s the child who allows us to relive moments that we used to take for granted. These children each have something to offer and to be able to go through life milestones with them is so rewarding.

I’m so grateful for the opportunity we had to live with such a beautiful little boy. To see his journey and share cherished moments with him will always be a blessing. How lucky am I to have loved and been loved by such an amazing little boy. For any foster family who is about to part with a foster child I hope you find peace in knowing how much you’ve helped this child. Always remember that life does go on and your heart will heal.

It’s never goodbye- it’s always see you later.

Xoxo Winn