She's not Samoan enough pt 2

As a little girl I was very close to my dad and would always go with him to family gatherings or as we would say in Samoa family ‘kogai’. I remember clear as day pulling up to my Auntie’s house and seeing all my cousins running around and playing with each other. My dad and I would both hop out of the car and I’d place my little hand in his. Something about holding my dads hand made me feel safe. From there we’d both say hello to all our family and then my dad would find a place to sit. Nine times out of ten he would tell me to go and play with the kids. Every time he would suggest it I would shake my head and beg him to let me stay with him. I did this because I felt as though I didn’t fit in with my cousins and it also made me sad knowing that they could speak Samoan and I couldn’t.

Years passed and my dad would always tell us about his upbringing in Samoa. He'd always harp on about how he couldn't wait for us to visit the motherland. I will never forget the first time we travelled to Samoa. My dad made me hide an uncut bread loaf in my carry-on bag. I remember thinking what the actual hell? Of all the things I can carry in my bag you want me to carry a loaf of uncut bread. Any who I didn’t want a choke slam before our trip so I just did as I was told. I remember landing and getting off the plane smelling the fresh air but also being hit with the humid heat. We drove straight to dads village Lalomanu. I remember finally getting to my uncles house and looking around trying to take it all in. I was looking at the beach across the road, I noticed all the houses didn’t have front doors and I remember almost dying when I saw the shower was literally just a tap on a wall. As our holiday started I was so homesick and I was focusing on all the things that Samoa didn’t have. My dad could see that I wasn’t enjoying my holiday and it hurt him.

One morning my dad woke me up early and told me to come with him for a walk- we walked to a house down the road where dad’s cousin lived. I had my backpack on me and he told me to pull the bread loaf out of my bag and give it to my uncle. I did as he said and my uncle had a huge grin on his face. He called his kids and they were so excited over this bread loaf. I didn’t understand their excitement and I gave my dad a puzzled look, my dad just hugged me and smiled. On the walk back home he told me that as a little boy bread was like gold to the kids in Samoa. He also taught me the lesson of giving to others whether it be big or small. One key thing that I’ll never forget my dad telling me is that being Samoan isn’t about how you look or who can speak the language the best. Being Samoan is about your heart, it’s about your love for your aiga (family), it’s about appreciating the rich culture in which our elders have installed through generations, it’s about the love you give to others but most importantly being Samoan is a way of life.

Once I learnt this lesson I was more open to seeing the real beauty of being back home in Samoa. I grew such admiration for little things like when the village bell would go off for prayer time, the open door policy where everyone was welcome everywhere and anywhere, the beautiful beach that was accessible all the time and which my dad called home and most importantly I was able to appreciate and fall in love with being a teine samoa.

Also by learning the importance of family I was able to bond and connect with my cousins on a whole different level. I realised that it wasn’t them it was ME, it was me who was quick to make judgement and it was me who wasn’t meeting them half way. When I finally reached out to the hand that had always been there it felt as if I had finally come home. I’m happy to say that I’m no longer that shy little girl who can’t mingle with her cousins. If anything they are my bestfriend’s and I honestly couldn’t imagine doing life without them.

No matter where I go my aiga will always be my home. Yes I may not know how to speak fluent Samoan and perhaps I don’t know how to do certain cultural acts. But that makes me no less Samoan than anyone else. Being a Samoan girl living in Australia I have nothing but pride and love for my culture. I can now confidently say that regardless of what anyone says I will always embrace and remember who I am.

Alofa Atu -Win