Dear future someone

I hate love

I hate the idea of dating

I hate not knowing if you’re enough for someone

I hate that you could take up space rent free in my mind

I hate that I’ve given someone absolute control of my feelings without them even knowing

I hate the fear of getting used to someone only to possibly lose their company

I hate that in reality I could never tell you these things

I want to be in control

I want to know you’re next move

I want to know what you’re thinking

I want to know how to protect my heart against all things that may even slightly hurt it

I want to be able to give love so freely without worrying so much

I want to be whole heartedly yours without reservations

I want to be the best version of me so I can give you all of me

I want you to be patient with me

I want you to learn how to love me as I would you

I want you to see when I’m wearing a mask

I want you to bring out the best parts of me even when I can’t

I want to be able to one day tell you what's in my heart and on my soul

But till then may my words live here protected and hidden